KinkQueen

There is a new girl gang in New York! Yay. And oh what a coincidence, I happen to be a member of it. :)

Jeany F. Lawless

You need to check it out: www.violentfems.com

If you are a submissive man, you’ll have a great opportunity coming up to get to know the gang in action.

It’s going to be a great Party!

Listen to what out lady boss, the Kingpin, has to say:

“The Violent Fems will be hosting a private party on September 12th at an undisclosed location. Some lucky participants will get the chance to be “ambushed” by us between 7pm and 9pm if they RSVP ahead of time and pay a small fee of $40 (what a bargain!). Other subby muffins who want to come but are too pussy to get down and dirty can RSVP to get the location and pay $10 at the door. Of course, everyone will get a chance to meet the ladies. Prepare to be entertained, titillated, and charmed by our combined overwhelming feminine whiles! If you would like to be ambushed, please email us with your interests and experience.”

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Playing with the girls

Role play is a lot of fun. Not only with props or costuming, but simply by acting like a certain type of person or character. A lot of exciting stuff can come out of it.

A different thing is fantasy fulfilling, though role play is a proper, and sometimes absolutely necessary tool for it. For example, if it is somebodies fantasy to be tied to a radiator by a nurse, it will never happen in real life, and likely no real nurse will be convinced to do it. Plus nurses don’t look like fantasy nurses these days. So role play is the way to go.

Let’s look at some differences: As you can already see in my example, in fantasy fulfilling there is a certain fantasy that is the story book for the role play. In regular role play one would say: “You are the nurse, I am the patient. You do your job, I do mine.” There is a lot of freedom in it, and all you need to do is stay in character and let the situation evolve. One can have certain things planned out, maybe even certain sentences scripted, but it still is some sort of improv theater.

Fantasy fulfilling is way harder to achieve. The person with the fantasy has usually had that fantasy for years!! In their head it always works out perfectly. The other characters say the right words at the right time and do the right things at the proper moment. The reason is simple. The person with the fantasy plays all characters him or herself. Nobody else is involved. It’s all in one person’s head with one director: the mind. Nothing can ever go wrong, and everything is always just like desired.

Furthermore the fantasy is in the head, and not real. Pain doesn’t really hurt, dirty or filthy practices are exciting only, fear is always harmless, real physical problems never occur and so on. That doesn’t mean fantasy fulfilling as opposed to role play is not successfully doable, it just means, that it is different.

A little how to:

1) Ask yourself what you really want. Do you want to play a certain role with some agreed upon factors, or do you actually want to make one of your fantasies become reality?

2) Communicate well beforehand with your play partner.

a) for role play: it’s usually not that hard, since your mind is pretty much open to anything. Still give it a thought, and let your partner know all you think she or he needs to know.

b) for fantasy fulfilling: Be specific about the things that are important to you. Usually you don’t even know, what makes your fantasy that great in detail. There was never a need to examine it, since in your head it’s all clear and obvious.
To cross the gap over to reality, it is wise to examine the feelings and emotions you are having rather than the actual plot. Those can be made real in many ways, and in reality some things don’t even need to be acted out, to give you that same feeling. Don’t assume, the other can know what it is though.
Avoid using common places like “I want to feel helpless” or “I want the other to dominate me.” In regular BDSM play that’s a given and not an issue. In fantasy fulfilling it can be, because our fantasies are so very individual and often times quite checkered. For example the evil sadist, is actually quite nice and understanding when necessary, the raging ex-girlfriend is forgiving in the right moment. Things like that need to be taken into consideration.

3) Do your part. Again that is more important in fantasy fulfilling than in regular role play. Doing your part in role play means mainly staying in character. In fantasy fulfilling it means that you allow your fantasy to be present in the moment, with all the emotions and feelings involved. It takes a bit from you to make that happen. It has usually been a private thing that you haven’t acted out. When you do, put your mind to work and get into that fantasy space. It’s a less interactive process. It’s you dreaming. It’s you imagining. It’s you zoning out sometimes.

4) Don’t give up or feel frustration when things weren’t quite “right”, but give feedback and do it again.
In role play that’s not much of an issue, because there is not much that can go wrong. You can dislike what somebody said or you can think they shouldn’t have smiled at a certain moment, but it was still all in all successful.
In fantasy play it’s way more important to work towards creating the right reality. The level of frustration of those who seek to fulfill a fantasy often times is quite high, because they tried many times and don’t find what they long for – sometimes for ages. Key is here to find a competent collaborator and “rehearse” more than once.
It’s like directing a film. Even with the best actors and a detailed script, that film can’t be shot the first time everybody comes together. Sure, the first rehearsal can come close to what it is supposed to be, but it’s nearly impossible it was exactly right. In fantasy fulfilling it needs patience. Look at it this way: All of us have the experience of having read a book and when we see the movie, we are disappointed. It is very hard to make the shift from ideas, thoughts and internal pictures to reality. It can however be done very successfully. Just like in film there are movies that are actually even better than the book.

That said: Everybody have fun playing!!!

Sooo, I randomly post about parties and events. It seems the NY shopping guide finds most appreciation. I wonder, what all you people out there would like to read about and what makes sense to you.
I could write more about parties and events. I could tell you more of my opinions. I could stop blogging…

I myself would like to have more pictures up, but it’s hard to embed a gallery – without help ;), and pictures showing other people than myself are always difficult… So my question is not about pictures, but about writing.

Please send me emails or leave comments. Thank you!!

So called “Erotic Art” can be quiet cheesy, no doubt about it. I’m having ongoing problems with that. The better, when I find an approach that I actually like – and obviously immediately share with you.

It’s the Sexy Art Gallery, galerie provocatrice. The physical gallery is in Amsterdam – where else would you expect it? Since that is probably too much of a trip for you, it is worth an online visit, clicking through the diverse works of international artists – most of them emerging. So if you have an interest buying, now would be the time, while the prices are very reasonable.

Their mission is to “advocate and encourage an openness and willingness to enjoy sexy art”, and in my opinion they are doing a great job. Check it out www.sexyartgallery.com!

It’s going to be an insane party weekend! My favorite event of the year! I get to meet so many of my friends from all over the country. I get to make new friends, be silly, be kinky, be family… and party so hard that every time I come back home I say “o.k., that was it for the year!” It never happens to be true obviously, but it feels like it should be.

The Ultimate AfterParty @ the Venetian penthouse is the place to go to. It so deserves its name. Check it out and click the pic!

To get on the guest list, either a host/producer of this event must personally invite you or you must become an official sponsor of the party. If you believe you should be included, please apply by email to Mike B. at mailmrbig@yahoo.com, Kelley Dane at KellyDane@gmail.com or Eddo, King at Ed@Pvest.com. Industry professionals can make it past the velvet rope by right of profession and appearance.

I just entered my wishes. A straight jacket, a whip and another wip. What did you wish for?

Short notice before I leave of to Kink in the Caribbean (sorry, I had to rub it in, heheh);

Go to SMack! for Halloween and to the afterparty of the infamous Suspension makers. For details click in the calendar on the sidebar.

I’m still recuperating from Montreal Fetish Weekend! It was awesome. Eric Paradis did a great job like every year, especially when it comes to uniting different scenes from different cities. Montreal Fetish weekend is a reliably good event!

Hanging out in Montreal during the day with Craig, Skully, Jacqueline, Xris and many more.

I couldn’t attend the Friday party as I was still a bit sick from the week before. Supposedly it was too warm in the venue… oh well. There are a couple of opposing and criticizing voices out there, Nikki KinkQueen however says: Not fair, not justified! I had a great time all along, on antibiotics and therefore sober! throughout the event.

I’m especially referring to the Marquis blog article, that was even posted on fetlife. Eric von Gutenberg of Marquis America is a good friend of mine and had sent me the article to look at, which caused immediate reactions at the KinkQueen’s home: Jacqueline Marie getting on the phone with The Richard. The two of them had been joking around one night, and the Marquis writer – who is he by the way? – took a quote of that overhearing it, but leaving out the joking part and the context. Oh yes, that’s what happens to stars!

Bottom line: We love Jacqueline Marie and The Richard! Yay! Fantastic people, who make a party beautiful and worth it.
Eric von Gutenberg answered to me, that this is what happens, when a lifestyler writes about a fetish event.
Hmmmm. I’m a true believer in freedom of speech, so if the Phantom of Marquis sees Montreal Fetish weekend the way he wrote, it is what it is.

I am both, a lifestyler and a fetishist and in my opinion MFW caters more to players than most other fetish events. Always play spaces, well equipped, after parties, that are dedicated to play, a good mix of fashionistas and lifestyle crowd… what more can you expect to have lined up for you? For what it’s worth, Eric Paradis is a passionate lifestyler himself, who puts all his dedication into the event without aiming for profit, which he would surely deserve. In order to have a really good time, you always have to make it a good time yourself as well – and for some that doesn’t always work. I’m sorry.

OMG! It's the Perish! It's the Perish!

I had a personal highlight and endorphin overkill on Saturday: Perish! Holy fucking gay Jesus! He is so beautiful! I love it when guys dress up. I love it when guys dress up way over the top. I love the Perish! With his 2 yard stacks towering over everybody and making sure he doesn’t knock out teeth with his spread wings, I just want to looooook at him. The good thing was, that I talked to him standing on the lube station stage, so eye to eye. As the tall KinkQueen yelling up to somebody isn’t really my thing, hehe, but I didn’t have to, so all was perfect.
I don’t care if Perish ejaculates bath foam, bread crumbs or butterflies. He is a prince like hero, and what he does is fabulous art. The world could have more of those to be a better place.

Due to my Perish excitement I had to go through many discussions about being superficial, art, beauty, the essence of fetish, that sort of deal. As a philosophy major I am not opposed to discussing. But yay, it is so much easier to trash something and be grumpy, than it is to be constructive, put something together yourself or be positive though your personal circumstances might not be contributing.

So here is my offer: If you are not one of those who order a soup to find the hair in it, write me, let me know what events you plan to attend, and I will hook you up with good people. I know a big crowd of great, great, good folks of all styles, young, old, players or more fashion oriented in most of America and a bit Europe. All of them are open minded to get to know new faces, they are welcoming, they will give you a good start… if I am not around to do it myself.

After all, we are One Sexy Fetish Nation and as wonderful as that is, life is too short to not excessively enjoy at all times!

Let’s travel out of the country, haha! Montreal Fetish Weekend is coming up, and it’s a Go!

I’m serious. If you haven’t been, you so need to check it out and if you went the last years, you most certainly want to come back anyways.

The Montreal fetish scene is simply awesome. Hot beyond words! Everybody is so intensely welcoming… great, great hospitality and fun! The best place for making new friends in an instant.

I went last in 2007 and I have to say, I partied like I didn’t think I would. The official parties were followed by very good after-play-parties in amazing dungeon locations. Sexy people all around, playing, mingeling and spreading the good vibe.

Good News for all New Yorkers: Anybody who goes by car and brings 3 people up to Montreal, will get the party pass ($60) for free! Please contact me to make sure

Tribe Members please contact Eddo the King for discounted tickets via fetlife. The offer is limited, first come, first serve!

Going up by bus is also a very good alternative. Roundtrip is $139 from NY. I did it before and find it more convenient than flying, since flights for some reason are always delayed on holidays or just get canceled.

If you need more information or have any questions, just drop me a line or leave a comment. :)

Come out to where the fun is!!!!

I’ll write an article soon, for now I’m just announcing: I’m going!!! Yes, yes, yes! :) :)

Let’s have some great fun and play in the Caribbean, one of the sexxxiest places to be… don’t you think?

Book your trip now!!!! Yay!

For more information click here!